Thursday, June 17, 2010

I've come to grips with it

I'm never wearing one of these again.
I'm okay with that.
I had my heyday. 
I even made sure there was a pic of myself wearing one in my high school yearbook.
Not joking.
But you know what?
Even if I had thousands millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery done on my midsection, I don't think I would wear a bikini.  
Anyway, the weather is heating up and it's officially swimsuit season around here. 
If I manage to lose 20 pounds in the next month or so, I'm going to be needing a new one.
Okay, let's not get carried away. 
I'm not ready to start looking for something like this quite yet. 
Besides, where the heck do you even buy something like this?  (
I don't know about you, but this would definitely highlight my most stretched and lumpy areas.
The little strips of fabric on the sides would get hidden down in the crevice between my two rolls.
From the side view, it would look like I didn't have any bottoms on!
I seriously love the Kardashians, but I hate that white swimsuit.
Even on a teeny, cute little body, it does nothing for her boobins.
And Kim, I love you too, but come on, how come you can't find a suit that covers more than your crack?
I actually think these are cute. 
I could maaaybe pull them off, but I would have to add a cardigan.
Yes, people, this will be the THIRD summer in.a.row that I'm unwilling unable to wear tank tops because my arms keep shaking for five minutes AFTER I stop moving them!

Okay, what about this one?
Never mind, I'm just gonna go watch The Hills.

15 witty remarks:

Nancy said...

Hey, hang in there. Don't give up on the tank tops. With some hand weights, you can strengthen your muscles up. I'm almost 51 and if I can do it, so can you. I won't be caught dead in a teeny swimsuit, though. Because at my age, I think it's important to dress age appropriate. I don't swim or go to the beach, so it's not an issue for me anyway. But if I were to ever need a new suit, I'd be getting one from Lands' End. They have a big variety of suits that offer more coverage than the suits the K sisters wear!!


Sweet November said...

I enjoyed this posting! Too funny!
I have never seen bathing suits that cover that much..

PeaceLoveApplesauce said...

I adore that white suite on Khloe K.. So wish that shape suit flattered my body.. I'd so get me one!

Heather L. said...

Jill! You just made me laugh out loud! I am in EXACTLY the same boat, except I have more to lose - close to 30 lbs. My baby is 15 months old, so I can't really claim it is baby weight anymore. Ugh!

Thanks for the laugh! I needed it today!

MiMi said...

I like that black and white and red one in the second to last pic!
Kim...well, the white suit looks really trashy, huh?

Jen @ said...

I love it. that first suit is awesome! I kind of wish they would come up with something cute that would be comfortable and flattering. have you seen those swimsuit dresses in Athleta? I am seriously thinking about getting one. So comfy to chase the kids around in at the beach!


Tracy said...

Oh, I hear ya sister.

shortmama said...

Once upon a time I could wear a bikini....and then I turned 20....and then I had two kids...and then I turned 31...sigh

Flower Patch Farmgirl said...

Ha ha! Love it. I'm a skinny minny...with a muffin top. Chicken legs and a muffin top! Yum. Not. Yep, I still throw "not" out, when necessary. All of this to say - I am on the hunt for a quasi-cool one-piece. Does such a thing exist??

CRAZYMOM said...

two words:



Laurie said...

You are hilarious! :)

rebecca @ older and wisor said...

Even the most modest suit in the world couldn't make my body look good. Only candle light can do that. And unfortunately, there's no way to dim the lights at the pool ;)

Denissa said...

You are funny!! :) K, so I promise that I took some pics for you, but they were so craperific..that I need to take some of the stuff NOT on me..not sure what I was thinking...Also I was having some major issues w/ my computer the last 2dys, but it is fixed..I think ;)

Abby Bain said...

I found you off a friend of a friends blog, you know! Anyhow, just wanted to say I couldn't stop laughing while reading this ENTIRE post :-)

Dee said...

That last suit made my eyes fall out!