Wednesday, April 21, 2010

on nervousness

For as long as I can remember, I've had that yucky, nervous feeling. 
As a child, it would sneak up in my tummy any time I was in a new situation.
It really rumbled my belly whenever I had to leave my Mom. 
Especially overnight.

I remember worrying about our house catching on fire after I watched an episode of Highway to Heaven.  My little five year old brain thought that if I stayed awake all night, I could prevent it from happening.  

In high school and college I got physically ill before every dance performance.  My Mom has millions of videos of me backstage and I repeat the same sentence every time-
"I'm really nervous."

These days it feels more like a sharp pain in my stomach when the phone rings at night or when we buy plane tickets. 

Mostly I worry that I'll pass my nervousness onto my kiddos.
Or that I already did. 

7 witty remarks:

Ryan, Lindsey and Dylan said...

Hey Jill, you may agree or disagree but I think the worrying is an "Anderlik" thing! My Grandpa, Dad, Brother, and I all worry about EVERYTHING!!! I try to remind myself NOT to worry everyday!!! Just know you're not alone, and that God is in control! :)

Have a great day!


samantha said...

Your kids will be fine. Don't all moms feel like we pass on our worst traits to our kids? I do!

Sandy, Sisters of Season said...

You're just real and honest . . most won't admit there insecurities .. that's actually a strength. Enjoy your Thursday.

MiMi said...

Jill, yesterday we were talking about this at bible study. Nervousness and anxiety.
We decided it is a human thing...or anyone with a heart, especially mommies.
And you know what they said? And also, I know you know, cuz you're spiritual, but talk to God about it.
My friend who passed last year used to say, "Let go, Let God." I love that. If only I could remember when I'm in the throws of a panic attack.

CRAZYMOM said...

What a great picture!
I used to worry about stuff when I was little too. Most of it was stuff I saw on TV and some of what I learned at school. I hope that I am teaching my kids to talk about what worries them so they don't keep it all bottled up.

Anonymous said...

Hey girl, I love you're always so real! I was thinking too, my stepkids as well as other kids from divorce have the "worry bug" I've found. Don't underestimate the power of divorce when parents split. It shakes every fiber of foundation of a child! Especially when you said your tummy hurt when leaving your mom...classic case of it! Hang in there with your kids. Keep your marriage strong and pray HARD! Love Janna :)

jenjen said...

I know exactly how you feel! I have always been nervous. I am convinced that I have social anxiety. I would be so happy living in my house and never leaving (well, except to go shopping). I totally passed it on to 2 of my kids. But I try to deal with it and I'm trying to teach my kids ways to cope with those feelings too. I guess that's why blogging is perfect for me.

I love that you are putting it out there. I know there are tons of people that have anxiety. Love ya girl!