Friday, August 5, 2011

I'm no supermom


I realized it today.
I'm an overbearing mother.

First I stumbled upon this article.

Then this was brought to my attention-twice.

(Yes, Lord, you are coming through loud and clear!)

The thing is,
although I felt very loved and cared for as a child,
growing up I pretty much had a constant feeling of nervousness and worry.

I still do today.

I'm always expecting something bad to happen.
Obviously it can be traced back to my parents' divorce.
There was no way for me to prepare for it.  My childhood was going along just fine and carefree and then one day, out of nowhere, my dad was gone.  There was no fighting, no threatening of divorce, nothing, just one day here, and then one day gone (in my 7 year old eyes). 

I never want my children to feel like that,
or have to be on anti-depressants. 

Anyway, I guess it just came naturally to me when I had babies, to do everything in my power so that they would never have to feel anxious about anything. 
My thinking is that if I micromanage everything in their lives to produce the best outcome, they won't have a care in the world and they can just relax and be kids. 

I never really thought about what will happen when they become adults. 

They are not going to know how to make their own decisions...

or know how to deal with unfavorable situations, for that matter.

I have a stomachache.

Any suggestions? 
(not on the stomachache, but on the overcoming of my overbearingness)
I'll be praying on this for awhile...

7 witty remarks:

Anonymous said...

I E-mailed that article to Linda last week, she said it was spot on! I thought of you. Love, Your laid back parenting sister:)

Amy M said...

Now, let me say first, that I am not a doctor of any kind- just a mom who has been there, done that. My daughter was born 3 years ago under rather traumatic circumstances- unplanned, too early c-section, NICU stay, etc. so I spent her first few months making sure she was healthy. But as time went on, I still felt constantly worried about her, anxious, overdoing things that didn't need to be that way, except that I felt I HAD to do them. I was in agony, but didn't realize that wasn't part of motherhood. Everything had to be perfect and I had to be the perfect mother who impressed everyone with her ability to clean, cook, craft and take care of her child. It took until she was 2 1/2 for me to realize that what was going on was insane. I went to my doctor who diagnosed me with postpartum depression (even after 2 1/2 years!) and gave me a low dose of prozac to help. And it did help. It's now about a year later, I don't take any medication anymore and life is so much better. Things can be a little messy, disorganized or in disarray and I'm ok. Life isn't perfect and I can deal with it now in a way I couldn't before. Talk to your doctor.

Amy M said...

And many hugs & prayers. It takes a lot to admit there is something going wrong

Jane Anne said...

Hm, you've given me a lot to think about. That second article- the one you were handed twice- made me think a lot. I want my kids to be independent but I still do most everything for them. Thanks for passing on these articles. I'll say a prayer for you- you say a prayer for me, ok?

The Mama said...

I knew I'd LOVE your blog when I first opened it, and within seconds, found myself nodding at most everything you said in your "in a nutshell". I too, start WW every day, but I blow it WAY earlier than 4pm every day!

I too, have so many worries. I am most definitely a "helicopter mom", I hover and would rather micro manage every single detail of my kids lives. When they spend the night away I feel ill. Ridiculous, I know. My babies are young, 3 and 1, so I have some time to work on it, but still.

I'll be praying for you. Would love for you to do the same for me!

New follower, by the way

Anonymous said...

My youngest is 20 and I still have a hard time in certain situations letting go. Sometimes, being a good role model and letting them hurt some is great for them. I think my three are great adults. They know they can tackle any problem that faces them (with the exception of Laundry which I still do for one of the)Teach them confidence in their decision making by helping them see both sides of the situation and problem solving and they will be ok.

Melinda G. said...

Oh Jill-you are such a good mom. It is hard to let go. I'm sure God will nudge you along when you need to let go a little. I have a hard time too sometimes and I pray all the time when I'm having trouble with my kids and it always seems to help. Keep will come to you!