Thursday, September 9, 2010

a good cry

(Just for fun I thought I'd show you how fat I am at 12 weeks.)

Last night I cried.
I don't cry very often,
but when I do, it's because I really need to.
It started because I realized I have to work two days next week,
which means I won't be able to take Porter to his fourth and fifth day of Kindergarten.
My anxiety started building when I was wondering to myself if Nate would be able to get both kids ready (plus himself), and get Porter to school at 7:50, and Brooklyn to preschool at 8:30. 
I had visions of them being late, eating their breakfast too fast, having messy hair, and the worst of all,
forgetting to brush their teeth.  
That's when I started crying.
I know Nate is completely capable of getting two kids ready for school, 
but I want it to be me doing it.

Once I started crying
I fueled the fire by imagining everything that could go wrong when Nate takes Porter out on the river this morning to fish.  
What if he falls in the river, what if the boat tips over, what if he drowns?

After my emotional episode was over
it occurred to me the real reason I was so upset.

Porter is starting school and my time is up having him at home all to myself every day.  

He's never going to be a baby again, he's never going to be a toddler again,
he's only going to grow and get older and become more independent of me.  
He is going to be in another person's care all day Monday through Friday.  
I'm going to be home alone.  

I stopped crying
and hugged him extra tight.

12 witty remarks:

Jami said...

When my oldest started Kindergarten I cried for like a week beforehand and SERIOUSLY cried all that day. I followed the bus all the way to school. I know I will be a basket case when the little one goes off to school too, but I have to say, by oldest is finally getting to the point where we can talk about stuff. He can handle his own hygiene, get food for himself if I am busy, etc. It's really a nice place to be and I am enjoying him more now than ever!

Cry all you need to, but just know there are so many great things to look forward to!

The Beavers said...

This is a great reminder for me to cherish these times at home with both my kiddos...time goes by way too fast and I don't want to miss any of it!
and p.s. you are so NOT fat!

Melinda G said...

You also cried because you have all those extra hormones in your system from being pregnant. I remember crying my eyes out a lot when I was pregnant, but I always felt better afterwards. By-the-way, you are a cute prego even at 12 weeks :)

Denissa said...

First of all you are NOT FAT!! You look adorable :) by my 3rd I couldn't believe how fast my belly (or should I rephrase) my uterus just knew how to stretch out..sorry for the PG-13 ;)
And Porter will ALWAYS need you, it might change a little here and there and be in different ways but there is somthing indescribable about a boy & his mama :)
I was a mess when my oldest started kinder I was 7mths prego w/ my 3rd.

Nicole said...

I think you look great!
And I can really relate, my daughter only just went to preschool and I was a mess today.

Cassie @ Primitive & Proper said...

you are adorable! and you are entitled to a good cry now and again. i had one last week and felt much better after ijust let it all out.

kelley @ the eclectic owl said...

are you kidding?! you look AMAZING! and i think it must be a woman thing with the crying...the other day the tiniest thing set me off and i cried for a solid 5 minutes...and then i was fine! i swear i think my boyfriend thinks i'm crazy...

Traci said...


I cried for hours after Jack's first day of preschool. He wanted to go to Portland to see the airport instead of have dinner at home with the red plate I made him. It totally made sense but I was heartbroken.

The good thing is you live in the moment- you'll always know you gave them the best cuddles, spoils and lots and lots of time together- not much room to regret anything :)

Flower Patch Farmgirl said...

Well, you look spectacularly cute. Does that help? :)

I'm the same way with the crying thing. It doesn't happen often, and when it does, I end up conjuring up all different kinds of reasons to keep the tears rolling!

Heather L. said...

You are adorable and SO not fat!!! You look great!

I'm super emotional this year, too - and I don't have a pregnancy to blame it on! My kids are really growing up =(

Jessica said...

Awwwww, Jill! It's hard. A little easier for me this time around, although I have to admit that I did get a little teary this morning. You don't look fat, you look cute and healthy.

The Dukes' Family said...

Glad I didn't read this post before Logann's first day of K! Thanks for the good cry!